Crapometer Posting - Looking for Serious Feedback

If you have a brief moment, my one chapter part was put on the CRAPOMETER - I would like some feedback, because this is a story I would like to sell...

And I could use all of the feedback to make it better. Feedback on the site would be fine - because it would put it all in one spot.

Especially wanting to make it a better hook to grab an agent by the ankles and dangle it, like a yummy worm, enticing them to really get excited about it. LOL!

It starts like this: (I've linked the words below to the actual story)

First Chapter
Prologue
He left the bodies there.